I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
