You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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