When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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