I skipped work to stalk him.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize