if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
