Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
