Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
