Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
