Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Found the puke drawer
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
