so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
