i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
