In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
