I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
