I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
