I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
