So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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