she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Boobs are out for the taking
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
