What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
