At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
