Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
