I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
