Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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