tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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