he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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