i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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