i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
