whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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