It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
