Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
