bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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