Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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