I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
