It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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