one might say we're banned from that church
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
