We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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