Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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