sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
