I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
