I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
