I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
