He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
