so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
