He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
