White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
