lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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