he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
