I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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