Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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