If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
