just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You left your phone here
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