My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
