Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
