i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
