It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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