I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
