I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
