Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
