i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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