Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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