imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
