WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize