I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
