talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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