I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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