All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
