I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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