Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
