I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
